Shalom Yeladim

In between Jesus and a Jew there must lie a middle way, the sweet spot between ease and tension. This Pesach didn’t take itself so seriously and wound up being so happy, simple, fun and pure in spirit that the four questions, although both unasked and unanswered, no doubt burn a memory so deep within the collective heart that we no longer need to dwell and kvell.

Yes, the more we deepen our belief systems is the more we push other people away, those who didn’t get raised in our culture, our faith, or our philosophy will never understand what speaks to your own heart when you stand alone before your version of a higher power or your absolute truth. The IS. Whatever name you care to hang on your god so long as it pleases you and hurts none, why should we be afraid and divided?

This time of passing over, of release from fear and bondage and of scary faith driven madness, hiding from curses and rushing without time to let bread rise, oh yeah dayenu. It’s madness to keep teaching children to fear each other!

As proud as I’ve been in the past of my Jewish culture and identity, it separates me from others in ways that should not be. I think everyone should intermix and then there will be no more hate when we are each literally a part of one another and each faith and spirit must be assimilated while also being honored and revered for whatever goodness their tidings has brought us in the ancient past.

No doubt the earlier people were closer to spirit, earth and god than the modern and civilized man of today. We live cut off from nature and in reverence and slavery to money and the never ending cycle of greed and corruption that society keeps reflecting as we squirm under the microscope of the gods. Why we even exist is so strangely mysterious and yet everyone thinks they know the answer to this delicious secret.
Interesting that out of all the religions there are none that can answer “why” although they often try to tell us “how”.

I’m searching for seekers who are dreamers of songs and spinning webs of poems and raising their glasses to the nectar of heavy summer flowers. I’m spinning fine woven talespun thread to weft and wend through my life as though the storyteller was a tapestry artist and this story was the finest to create. Every moment a work of art. Every act of love a poem. Every melting hug a flower blooming.

I wish my kiss could rain down like this spring storm and drench you in it’s intentions and powers. Love lives in my heart as a spiral that unfurls and swirls out to tickle you all. Smiling eyes of my loves all made me dizzy happy and the tears that spring forth are brought from depths of true joy, calm and life affirming visions shared with meadow foxes and happy children following flutes.


Wow! This woman is living my dream…

But even dreams of tiny proportions need to manifest in the right time, space and place. Naïveté and inexperience can only take you so far, and sometimes where you think you’re going isn’t the place you get to. But it’s alright, I’m all right.

I almost got this chance to live off grid once. With undergrad in Iowa, living out west in Olympia for 8 years and on a farm for part of that timespan, even living on a sheep farm, and my time teaching in China, nothing had prepared me for the failure of my previous off grid mishap.

The living off grid part and the farming part were amazing. But the perfect house was unfortunately in a place that screamed Deliverance.

First of all, don’t move to a place where, when your 13 year old potential neighbor meets your two and a half year old, she’s floored that he speaks so well –because “my baby brother’s almost three and all he can do is cuss…” Sweet Jesus Christ on a croissant!

Then the people at work told me I “better not tell anyone (I) was Jewish because, well, they just wouldn’t understand”…and not in the typical way of innocent ignorance like a Yankee, but in a quite menacing way that literally had me running from being the lone Jew in the woods. And I basically was Buddhist at heart by this point in life, so it was a double whammy to think I could somehow coexist with this prejudice and malice, when I just didn’t see the sense of resisting the paradigm down there. So I came back to society and I’ve been stuck in a cycle ever since of being in the system. Breaking it down from the inside instead, accepting where I am and going with that. Falls and all.

Next time I’ll build my own place on wheels so if I don’t like where I’m at I just roll away…

let er rip! magic takes over the driver’s seat. nothing like almost selling your soul out to please other people to shake you into the present moment and damn if I don’t mean to enjoy that moment, whether you like it or not. I won’t apologize or make up excuses for my behavior, and I won’t claim to understand why you live your life one way and I do another thing with mine over here. Magic doesn’t leave much but dust in it’s wake, but I think it has a sheen that is like none other.

One Love

Separation=fear, unity=love. It’s hard for people to drop the relics and culture of religious belief, but we are all one or none, the ego shrouds us all in fear which continues to separate us, we learn fear and even hatred through our religious upbringings or cultural norms and meanwhile destroy the living goddess Gaia…while we argue over semantics and ages old holy books, words or deeds, the one who makes it all true lies dying as we trample her once perfect landscape.

It Ain’t Me Babe

Funny, that song came to mind this morning when I told someone I love dearly, but can’t stay with, that I want him to be the best he can be and I just don’t think I bring that out in him. It’s true, if he loved himself and life the way I love mine and everything in it, then maybe we’d have everything together. But he would have to give up all his deeply held beliefs for the idea that we have none, or at least, that if we play in the field of the infinite, then we have just as many possibilities and anything is possible!

Way of a spiritual warrior

No one ever said it was easy being a spiritual warrior living from the heart, but the power and insight required for transformation are usually found in the dark. Letting go and watching the beautiful drama unfold, sitting on my hands instead of stirring up the soup. Being conscious, sensitive and always taking the path of the pioneer, it’s difficult but so much more authentic to act from a place of deep reverence for all life, and to treasure even each adversary as your truest friend. Many people don’t understand you when your life is always doing something outside their norm. Not pushing against the places where resistance is felt, but trying to flow through it riding the wave of breath that is life. As difficult as it may be navigating the waters and landscapes of emotion that I’m being shown, I’m so grateful that everything means so much to me. Using my power of expression to honor myself and still being compassionate for others, even those who have led me to depths of sadness that have caused me to manufacture my own suffering. Kind words and actions from the heart aren’t always understood by the norm. I saw a thing recently about how being polite was so unusual these days it’s mistaken for flirting. The same could be said for being kind. It’s a loss of the divine feminine nature within our spirit as technology and science obscure our connection to nature even further. These days things are so complex, so vibrationally cluttered like the internet with too many people trying to get on and find pathways to their own knowledge, their own journey. Lately, just trying to stay steady in a place of awareness, I feel the true vibration of yin and yang energy and realize how everything is responding to that all the time. It’s pulsating through every force of life, beating like a ruby heart in every speck of consciousness. Breaking patterns and becoming the transformation requires us to hold and maintain steady focus but to act from a place of love, for the self and all of its myriad reflections of the unified field where all of us draw our source waters from. From a place of pure intention I want to send out love to every being that is in existence, for we are truly all together in this.

Wind Up Here

The name of a toy store I once knew. Combined with “How the fuck did I” it’s an apt description of my current situation. Today I awoke with a heavy heart because I’m suddenly aware, after nearly a year of fog veil, that my life once again is not right, I need not only to change myself within my own life but also to change the people who are in my life. I’ve got to be nurtured, I’m still too much a young soul to be tortured and tainted by insidious forces that I can easily manage.