Archive for November, 2011

Diego decided to corner rabbi Julie last night to get her take on evolution and the story of creation. I’m happy to say the good rebbe did exactly what my own great Rabbi Lebeau did when asked the same exact question by me many years ago.

this is a topic for another day but the great liberal educated rabbi above that I admired my whole life was in this article in an unflattering light. Sad👎



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My Anthem

Always by Stevie Wonder is my anthem, if I was only to be able to listen to one song ever again for the rest of my life it would have to be that one.
“Change your words into truth and then turn that truth into love; then maybe our children’s grandchildren and their great-grandchildren will know!”

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Driving Aristotle

So again in the car, the rich treasure trove of our most interesting exchanges is mined, seemingly daily.

Diego: Mom, how did my dad become my dad? How are families made? Well, I guess the real question is, how did the first family get started, how did people get on earth?

Me: (trying to decide if I should go straight for evolution and skip the religious/spiritual component) not to mention addressing the specific question of our personal somewhat non-traditional family unit. That we discussed, including that when men and women love each other very much sometimes they make a new life. As well as talking about

Yeah. I kinda tried to explain both (starting w evolution which he already has an understanding of from the National History Museum) and then briefly glossed over most of the creation story but gave it less than honorable mention. Yes, I said that aloud, or at least I wrote that in a public format. Not to downgrade anyone’s personal beliefs but I don’t need to smoke my son out with their opium for the masses, he’s obviously burning bright with true curiosity and unquenchable faith in his own beliefs, definitely believes in god and thinks about things of this nature all the time. I’m not gonna brainwash him w that spiritual spooky talk about burning in hell etc. some people try to convert me but they don’t understand I am not lost; I am not seeking a way. I hope to convey truth and be able to tell my son something that has more meaning than just what certain people say about some ancient stuff. Just do your best, try to be kind. Repentant? Only to myself or those I’ve find harm to. If I hurt this earth by living my material and unimportant insignificant life isn’t that worse than never going to church or praying to someone’s idea of god?
Which only serves to say I’m sure I’ve confused matters for young Aristotle.

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It’s all love

Yesterday driving in the car, there was a song playing that said something about love. Diego said, “Mom, am I in this song? Because its about all your love. I know I’m in all the songs about love, right?”

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Public school in my little town has been closed since Wednesday, therefore Diego, usually deftly (or not quite so)managed between the hours of 8;30-3;30am, has been once again coming along with me to work for the last three days. On the ride to lunch today, I said it was nice to see a former colleague and her two daughters, one of which is Diego’s age. The following conversation then took place; I was so amazed at the sustained punchlines throughout this story from beginning to end. This kid is really a stroke of amazing at times.

Me: It was so nice to see Ms. Leslie today, wasn’t it?

Diego: I’m going to marry Anzana. (Leslie’s daughter)

Me: Okay, I like her! (laughing)

Diego: But mom, so many girls like me, how do I know which one is the right one?

Me, reeling in shock, thinking of a response.”Ummm”

..and then:

Diego: Mom, who’s your boyfriend? Dana?

Me: No one, I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now, Diego.

Diego: (shocked) Mom, do you wanna be a nun?!?

Me (again mouth agape): Wh-where did you hear that?

Diego: From Garfield, Mom. (recent obsession)

Me: On Garfield? Why would they say that on Garfield?

Diego: Garfield’s owner Jon was going to be a nun. Then, he found someone to date…

at Lorenzo’s School for the Personality Impaired!!!

I swear, I don’t know where he comes up with this material but it is beyond classic!!!!


just in case anyone thinks the dude is making it up.



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Is it now yet?

Hello…hope your sunset-moon set schedule finds you well! How’s now treating you? My new slogan seems to be “is it now yet?” in the same way Bart Simpson might keep repeating “are we there yet?”. I don’t know why it just keeps bleating on. I must be living for some future now. I do feel that way sometimes, just caught in this struggle of not being satisfied with now as much as I want to be, even. Silly and luxurious to ponder, in all honesty. Yet I still feel an empty place in my soul that nothing fills and that leads me to try and seek all means of outside stimulus to abate that awkward feeling of incompleteness. Sometimes I am filled with a sense of wonder, purpose, and knowing. Then, there are times like now, when it’s like a wave of doubt flies over and turns all my thoughts inside out. Upon exposure, many wither and die. And with them, the enthusiasm for what they once held for me is just an illusion.
I keep thinking about trust. How I don’t trust anyone. I mean, anyone. maybe–my sister–maybe. And how sad that truly is. I mean, there are people you’ll can sort of trust…but most people have their own agendas. Aligning yourself with one who has any expectation or need/desire of you or your time/energy/emotions will in all likeliness just cause you unnecessary pain. I mean, even my own dad.
It’s very sad how I live; on one hand, seemingly so open and free. Then the other, it’s all an illusion designed to protect the real me, so used to being blown apart by the words and deeds of others. So although I like the idea of living in now and try to embrace the moment to moment happiness of life, there’s no doubt I’m shaped by each experience–and that somehow, all my interactions with others seem to leave me drained and vulnerable. My ongoing experience has been that mostly people in life are out for what they can get from you and that most relationships are short lived and disappointing. Family is complex and often troublesome despite its power and capacity for love. Friends come and go, some stick but all have their costs. Then there are the lovers. Mostly, I go. Sometimes, it’s the other way around. Always, there are lessons. Love can reach great heights, but has the capacity and predilection to fall. Great care must be taken to truly establish that love transcends simply the physical realm of great sex. Often it’s hard not to confuse one with another.
And I don’t trust men. They are always angling, always seem to have another rod and reel just out of your line of vision. Guys think we are snowed by their pretty words but I’m not a believer. Don’t get me wrong; I love to hear them…but I ain’t buying stock in their startup company. So many men have given me the same song and dance. The performers often delight, but the act wears thin at some point. In myriad ways, you are your own world, an oasis of unique character, undeniably alone in body and mind.
However, the words of this amazing woman today have made a mark on me. She is the leader of a women’s movement for peace in Liberia and was on Jon Stewart. I don’t watch the daily show anymore because I don’t have cable, but I love him do much and miss that show. Leymah Gbowee was a single mother of four living in abject poverty of both money and spirit when she claims that the voice of god spoke to her through her young son, making her realize she had to live her life in a new way. Where she had been hopeless, broke and desperate she became strong, a leader of a movement and a freakin Nobel prize winner. Her words are powerful and snapped me out of my self important soul bandying bullshit! So many people think they are powerless to, in her own words, “rise up and do something to change your situation.” She advised: “Don’t wait for a Gandhi, don’t wait for a King, don’t wait for a Mandela. You are your own Mandela, you are your own Gandhi, you are your own King.”

I am fortunate to have a much less complicated and disrupted life than this amazing woman who has lived through civil war in her country while raising five children on her own. Somehow, she found the spark within her to truly shine her light out into the rest of the world. And that makes me feel like I gotta grab life now.

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Understanding the true meaning of life in a flash of exposed divinity is not the same as leading a divine life. We are all bombarded with experiences that have the ability to help or hinder our insight. This is why enlightened beings are still fallible and even though we are all perfect and unique, we can never be perfect or truly at peace without being at odds with duality and the perception of the everyday world experience. I was thinking of the tortured lives of great artists who obviously live with this painful edge, the taste of metal in their mouths compelled them to share their genius ways of expression with the test of us numbskulls!!! This whole trainwreck of thought was brought on by watching a video of The Smiths, ironically as Morrissey has strange personal meaning for me (of course, why else am I writing this morning. Thanks, Morrissey.)
At least, we can never be this way when we have to interact with others and we are at the same time interacting within ourselves and own own unique experience of life. Or I shouldn’t say never. But it’s damn hard. Near impossible, excepting the sainted among us.
I wish I knew better how to truly be me and live the life I want to live without hurting anyone. Doing it so fully and out loud in the way we all must do, painting the picture of our own existence as only our own self can.

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