Archive for November, 2012

long lost friend

seems like it’s been a long time, my old friend. though now you are a keyboard and not a pen.

there have been many changes and many moons since we have met. but i still feel you gleaming through my fingertips. no matter what happens, you always have been with me. and I know I can find you on the darkest night if only I remember to look for you, to listen for your voice of light.

thank you for filling me with your worlds of kindness, though I do my best to cast it back out it seems I’ve come into some shadows. feeling lonesome as the night wears through, lonesome all day long too. almost a song but its tune won’t be caught. the sadness etched upon my face is starting to web it’s way across like tiny lines of age. seems like only yesterday but we all know how that goes, yesterday is impossible to trap and tomorrow never knows, that’s for sure and is a truth. sad to say there aren’t many others people seem to live by these days, these times, these (laughing as I think this) godforsaken ways.

truth is rather hard to find and usually it’s just someone’s version of it anyway. feeling shades of blue it’s not new but in this way it is the worst way I’ve seen me. Almost detached from everyone and everything, I barely even heard your siren sing.

I’ve been sleeping in my life for many long years and suddenly all I feel behind my eyes and every breath is just the wanting to weep the tears that are holding back just by a tiny thread, I’ll take up the needle and sew the rest of this tapestry with the red thread, from my blood, the blood of the people of wisdom who have come before me and reside within and beside me to give me insight and strength in these times of bleakness where my morals and very being seem to be sifting in endless sands of confusion and loss of the way.

I have lost my way and I am floundering. I am losing myself in a battle because I have forgotten what makes my heart sing. Haven’t seen a mountain in an eon. Wishing I could just float away on my umbrella when the winds change. Like Mary Poppins with a spoonful of sugar and a smile, a song on her lips at every occasion. Ridiculous? I love to laugh! I wish there were the endless times of laughter now, but this here nanny is singing a sad tune tonight.

My troubles and woes are nothing to the problems out there, it’s true. But to me, trapped in my one shot, my one chance at life LIFE my LIFE goddammit the way I want to live and love and be, I’m not going to just let it get the best of me and lay down as a victim as I struggle on blindly. My life is such a gift and a blessing when I remember the wisdom of the poets, visionaries, and saints that have dappled my life with their fleeting and precious gems.I have to remember and be the spring and the seed, the light and the leaf.

And when I catch a glimpse, recognize and lift up my spirit! The golden shine of the sunlight catching across the marsh along Crosswicks Creek, that foggy mist that I see rising and reminds me that I exist.

(thank you thank you thank you)




Read Full Post »